Hearts and Bones

"Thinking back to the season before
Looking back through the cracks in the door
Two people were married
The act was outrageous
The bride was contagious
She burned like a bride" - Hearts and Bones - Paul Simon

When I really want to watch Christy's face scrunch up like a disconcerted child, I tell her my theories about life, the universe and everything. "Honey, it will more than likely be proven, in the next year or so, that we all live in a massive hologram and we are parts of that hologram." A dour look comes over her face. She doesn't like such things. They bother her and I completely understand, so I try to avoid such talk even though it is in my nature at times. So I wonder sometimes to myself about the things that deeply amaze me. Whether Christy wants to believe it or not, she is one of those amazing things.

I think it's entirely possible that people can somehow write themselves into your genetic code or are such a perfect fit for you that you can barely remember what life was like before them. I have a hard time imagining life before Christy. Not that it's impossible, it just seems sad and difficult. It's confusing, because in a way, I think Christy has always been here. Not seeing Christy in my memory, before or past a certain point, pains me. I think something deep in me naturally assumes she was around when she really wasn't. She is a part of me and that's the easiest way to explain it.

Perhaps, the universe or God or any higher entity you choose has a preset of instructions for all of us that we will never be privy to in any shape, form or fashion. We do get glimpses of it. Sometimes it all unfolds like a novel or a fairy tale.

On the wedding day, as I waited for my bride to show up and friends filtered in, I wondered if this was what heaven was really like. At the base of a hill on a warm day under white puffy clouds in a deep blue sky, past, present and future were melting into one. A great number of people I loved and cared for were mingling about. Paul Crandon was here and my mind drifted back to listening to Paul Simon's Hearts and Bones and all the other times we had together; navigating the rough seas of teenage emotions.

At the dressing room door appeared Chad Skinner, I had not seen him in 25 years, at least. I was overwhelmed to see him there and automatically my mind shifted to riding bikes over dangerous hills and gullies; roaming the "jungles" that surrounded Spring Creek. I hugged him and over his shoulder I could see Debbie Cole smiling and waving and I thought about all those late nights at the High School theater and how amazing a teacher she was now. There she was with her beau and all around great guy Eric, just like always. Debbie had her camera at the ready and was taking the most amazing pictures of the affair.

I saw Scott Bradley and my mind went back to a cassette tape label and the times we would share songs and talk music endlessly as our sisters ran the neighborhood. And there was Kathy and Shelli and Sheila and Brian and Carol and Kelly and David! My mind was spinning. All of these people stepping out of time and into the day.

There was Lee and Jeff in the dressing room with me. Lee? I am quite sure I couldn't have picked a better man to stand by my side that day. Jeff was a trooper. He was running the sound at the last minute as the DJ which was a daunting task since nothing was in sync. Will, my new brother in law, was trying to help with as much as he could and still capture moments with his camera. Harrison, my step son dressed handsomely, was going through the crowd and making sure everything was ready to go. And thus, here, in this place was the present: new friends, new family and the friend of a lifetime, Lee.

Out on the rolling hill was Becky, my new sister in law, and Linda, my mother in law, and the children. They were all part of my new extended family and I adored all of them.

The music began and my bride walked down the hill with our beautiful daughters in front holding flowers with her sister and maid of honor Cathy looking lovely in the middle. As Christy swaggered up to the pastor and me (yes, she swaggered as cool as ice cream), I saw the past, present and future all become one. Here she was, the embodiment of all those things and more beautiful than I could ever have deserved. We had achieved a collapse of eras into one another. I saw Christy sitting in the high school drama room, I saw Christy smiling at me as she puts her head on my shoulder, I saw Christy by my side as we grew old together. I think back and wonder how the universe didn't become like an old tube tv being turned off at that moment; static, a collapsing bright line of light and a point fading into oblivion. But I realize that the story is not finished because there is so much more to tell and there will much more time to tell it. The story will just get better and better and it already has. We still can not explain how Becky knew exactly what our wedding song was and had written it into a book for our wedding when we had just chosen it ourselves.

If the universe does happen to be a hologram, as if it were some movie or tv program, I would like to tip my hat to the director and thank him for all the clever ideas. The script has been incredible and the actors have been amazing and I am not sure how I could have ever got through it all without my leading lady. My leading lady might scrunch up that beautiful face at the thought of it all, and well she should, but as for me, I am enjoying this act and looking forward to the next. So far, it's been a helluva show.

Lee and John's Cabinet of Curious Laments

Last night, late night ( I am soooo tired), we picked up my best friend and best man from the airport after his long and exhausting trip to England. It was great seeing him and I forgot to tell him I have an addition to our long list of "things we thought of and never did anything about". Over the years we have had a myriad of great ideas that we let falter, but discussed at length from time to time, only to see them come to fruition elsewhere. Sometimes I wonder if we should wear tin foil hats because it would seem that someone is picking our brains for fresh, new and exciting ideas. As an aside, I think this is precisely why Tesla was screwed out of the rightful title as the inventor of radio (that Marconi bastard). If you couldn't see it, I was shaking an angry fist between that last set of parenthesis. That Marconi and his magical mind reading invention. Grrrr!

So last night, Christy and I were watching the NBA playoffs. She is every man's dream, by the way. A beautiful woman who understands basketball and screams with futile fury at the screen as much as I do. Well, in between watching the Spurs get their heads handed to them by the Suns, there was a commercial for a car. Now my great idea wasn't the car itself, that was the idea of Siegfried Marcus. The Nazis tried to wipe his name and accomplishments off the face of the earth since he was Jewish, the teutonic twats. I can only imagine this was one of the many reasons that Henry Ford was a Nazi sympathizer - Charles Lindbergh still has no excuse. Sigh. Anyway. The innovation inside the car was basically a Tivo for the radio. You say, no big deal, so what? But this is something I gave a great amount of thought to and scribbled basic work flows for - ten years ago! If I ever actually act on any of my ideas, I will be a millionaire I tell you. For that matter, so will Lee.

This is not an uncommon occurance. Lee and I will lament at length all of the ideas we have tossed around for hours but never implemented. At times, we would even get into the design phase on certain things here and there. We still do. I am hesitant to tell you what any of these ideas are at present, just in case. You never know, we could overcome our long history of procrastination and "failure to launch" so we can start lighting our Cohiba cigars with rolled up 20's. Until that day, I do propose, as each idea falls into the "been there done that" category, we create a museum of our old ideas. It will mean very little to everyone else but it will at least let us look back in sad shame at what could have been.

Now I am perplexed because what if I think of a cool idea for our wedding and then some poor shlub just comes out and does it first. Is the tin foil under the wig I wear currently thick enough? Folks, I know what you're saying, my hair could not possibly be a wig. I find this to be excellent because I do pay my people quite a high wage in Taiwan to sew my wig from the finest Angora wool and Nutria hair that money can buy. They just put the Farraday cage inside of it as a bonus for me paying them $.90 an hour.

Well, okay, I will share ONE idea. Since I seem to be so obsessed with this whole Back to the Future thing lately (read other posts) and really, back to the future is sort of what we are doing by the very nature of our relationship, I was thinking of doing something along the lines of that movie. First, I kaboshed actually going back into the past to 1985 and punching the actor who plays Biff Tannen in the face or whatever to prove my love for Christy in some bizarre way. I bet he is actually a pretty nice guy in real life and really it wouldn't prove anything unless I had a photograph or something. I could step on a butterfly too and we'd all be ruled by a Nazi cyborg Joseph Kennedy and his mechanical dinosaurs built by Ford. Destroying all we know probably would not impress her as much as I would think it would. So you know, maybe I could recreate a scene from the movie in some creepy way to propose to her publicly. Then I read that this bastard already did that :

Bastard recreates Back to the Future for marriage proposal

So if you could build a wedding or a proposal, no holds barred, what would you do? I think it's high time I start stealing other people's ideas for a change...

(Oh I almost forgot, today's drinking game has to do with inventors. Spot them all and take a drink for each name dropped.)

True Companion - Marc Cohn

Baby I've been searching like everybody else
Can't say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I'm an angel
And sometimes I'm cruel
And when it comes to love
I'm just another fool
Yes, I'll climb a mountain
I'm gonna swim the sea
There ain't no act of God girl
Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out
Out across this canyon
I'm asking you to be my true companion
True companion
True companion

So don't you dare and try to walk away
I've got my heart set on our wedding day
I've got this vision of a girl in white
Made my decision that it's you alright
And when I take your hand
I'll watch my heart set sail
I'll take my trembling fingers

And I'll lift up your veil
Then I'll take you home
And with wild abandon
Make love to you just like a true companion
You are my true companion
I got a true companion
True companion

When the years have done irreparable harm
I can see us walking slowly arm in arm
Just like the couple on the corner do
'cause girl I will always be in love with you
And when I look in your eyes
I'll still see that spark
Until the shadows fall
Until the room grows dark
Then when I leave this earth
I'll be with the angels standin'
I'll be out there waiting for my true companion
Just for my true companion
True companion
True companion

Wedding Roulette

Why "Wedding Roulette" you may ask. Well, after talking to Christy, we wanted to try something different. We both have been married before and we know how crazy getting married can be. "Honey do these underwear match my cummerbund?" In typical, John and Christy fashion we have upped the difficulty level for ourselves by deciding to get married in Derby Kansas on the same weekend as my 25th high school reunion - IN JULY. Certainly, we could get married in Phoenix but oh that would be far too easy. We thought, hey let's travel halfway across the country and do this thing. Yes, the crazy is strong with us. In our defense, it is centrally located to all of our friends and family. Still, we are going to be in the middle of Kansas with minimal help trying to pull off a wedding that everyone will be happy to come to and we will be happy to attend.

So what do we want from you? Ideas or help or ideas AND help or just kelp, because kelp is a delicious treat beloved by many ocean dwelling creatures. Okay, scratch the kelp part because this is not an "Under The Sea Dance" people, it's a wedding. Note: you can now start your Back to the Future blog reference drinking game.

Are you good with a camera? Would you be willing to take pictures? Have you always wanted to show off your wicked baking skills or do you know a shop or someone that can make a cake that didn't look like I made it, in the dark, with claws for hands? Are you crafty? Do you like making floral displays? Do you like making floral displays that look like 80's music icons like Billy Idol or Madonna? Okay - scratch that last part. Christy would kill me.

Now we thought all of this would be a good idea since we both had been to a couple of weddings, some family and some friends, that were sort of like a pot luck affair. We would much prefer this approach then, to see, for fun and enjoyment, if we could get weird things like a model of of a working flux capacitor (drink em if you got em!) from ThinkGeek.com or see if we can get 1.21 jigawatts (drink) out of a collective of solar panels from UnitedNuclear.com. So instead of redirecting everyone to websites or buying us one of those cool DeLorean (drink!) replicas from the Macy's catalog, we just want some help and most of all to see you. Sincerely, that's what this whole deal is about right? We get to be married and have you share that moment with us. All we ask is that you don't show up naked or anything weird like that. Well if you do, please have the courtesy of having a song prepared for the wedding march and wear a balloon hat. As unique weddings go, I have never heard of having a naked person sing the wedding march while wearing a balloon hat (preferably in the shape of the Loch Ness monster or a turtle), so we would have that going for us.

Even if you can't help, we do have a registry at Target since Christy is fond of linens and we are using paper towels to dry ourselves off after showers. Pro tip: Bounty IS the quicker picker upper.

Things we haven't quite nailed down yet:

• A cake
• Photography
• Flower stuff
  
• Music for the wedding

I know there is a lot more - we are just now thinking about the reception, so if you can add anything please do by contacting us or hitting the comments below. Thank you!

I Wanna Get Married

Almost exactly one year ago to the day, a high school friend of mine flew in from out of town for business purposes. We had met up earlier on Facebook and one of her posts stated that she would be coming to Phoenix. So in a nonchalant fashion, I told her to call me if she had a chance while she was down this way and perhaps we could meet up. She was noncommittal and hesitant because it seemed that she was going to be very busy while she was here and she wasn't going to have much time. Well she did find herself with free time and she did actually call.

April 28th of 2009, we decided to meet that evening. I suggested an English pub nearby called the George and Dragon and gave her directions how to get there. Now this friend of mine is as cute as a button and I immediately identified her sitting at a table when I showed up. She had a huge smile for me. Through the evening we laughed and talked and commiserated. "You just got divorced? I did too!" I was smitten but faithless as I was, I couldn't see how all of this would really work out. She lived in Colorado and had two children. I lived in Arizona and had my daughter. Both of us had careers or jobs that paid decent which carried so much more weight than it would in a good economy. So after a bit of a whirlwind romance, she went her way but we still stayed very much in touch over the coming months.

Ah yes, a long distance romance. Now as a noted curmudgeon, I have several sayings I have picked up or made up over the years. One of the sayings I have let rattle around my skull is: Absence makes the heart go yonder. Most certainly, I thought, this would be the case. As for settling down again, my feelings on marriage were not much better (with all apologies to Msr. Mencken): Marriage is a wonderful institution... Who the hell wants to live in an institution? Even the object of my affection remembered some horrid statement from high school that I made about women's breasts (which I will never repeat). I, in short, was absolutely faithless. After years of dating, a divorce, more dating - I was fairly certain of how the universe worked. My love life was a revolving door. Hell, sometimes it revolved so fast it resembled a helicopter.

For the sake of full disclosure, I hadn't been completely faithless until about 6 months prior to seeing my romantic interest on that April day. Before that I was always certain that if a relationship lasted a certain amount of time that this girl or that girl was definitely THE ONE. Yes, capital letters: THE ONE. "Oh my God, that waitress lingered at our table and laughed, she must be THE ONE!" Sort of like the movie Highlander except with women and none of them had chopped off anyone's head that I know of (well there are a few that give me pause for thought now).

Now that I think about it, it's movies like Highlander that give us all such a warped view of love and romance. If "The Highlander" really loved that girl so much, he really shouldn't have tortured her by staying around to watch her die of old age. "Oh yes Connor, you are a strapping young man still. Thank you soooo much for reminding me that I pee in a diaper now." But I digress.

So months went on and we enjoyed talking everyday. Our own separate lives kept spinning in their own personal orbits. The cynic in me abated a bit. Maybe? I thought. Perhaps? I conjectured. Now there was absolutely nothing that would make me logically conclude there was hope of any kind. We had more of a chance making this work than a coconut covered snowball surviving in front of Aretha Franklin. Awww the smell of doomed romance. But my dear love had faith. That is the thing about her, she is filled with hope and kindness... and grace. My love has grace.

Even when she lost her job over the summer, she still had grace. Her boss at the time was a major league bitch spelled with a capital C. To know my girl, is to love my girl. Not liking her is akin to saying you kick puppies and make fun of Jerry's kids. This is not hyperbole, she is that nice. So when Queen Bitch (her official title I believe) let my dear beautiful girl out of her contract, you would think the members of her workplace were going to storm her office with torches and pitchforks. Torches wouldn't work, by the way, you'd have to chop her head off so Queen Bitch didn't come back to life in demon form. Yes, I just made another pseudo Highlander reference, if you are now using this entry as a drinking game, you should be in for 4 drinks I think (I refuse to go back and count).

Did I also tell you that my love is tenacious? She had a couple of months of severance but immediately started to hit the bricks looking for a new job. Which is, as some of you know, a daunting task right now. She looked high and low. As we talked each day, she was also informing me that she was looking right here in Phoenix. Now as good as she is, I must tell you that Phoenix is one of the worst job markets in the country but she never gave up. Eventually after a lot of time and a lot of effort, she started landing interviews in Colorado. A good portion of them low balled her because, hey, the economy sucks more than Lindsay Lohan on a coke binge so employees are free now amiright, amiright? Yes, these same free and perfect employees ride rainbow unicorns that run in the candy grass that is parted by milk chocolate streams. I know it's true. I saw it on the History Channel shows right after one of those "OMG WTF Nostradamus says we are all going to die because the Mayans said so" episodes.

She never gave up and was also putting in applications for Phoenix as well. It paid off. She got a call to come and interview and got the job before she was even a mile away from the business. In fact, she got several calls that week she came back down to see me. Three things happened when she came down for her interview: I got to see how wonderfully lovely she is in person again, I asked her to come live with me and she developed a penchant for humongous cream cheese smothered chicken burritos from Ajo Al's ( a fine local establishment). Less than a month later she was here and we have been incredibly happy ever since - all five of us!

Now I have spent a good part of this entry using a writer's conceit of not naming my dear sweet wonderful love but some of you know her as Christy Wood and some of you went to high school with her as well. I don't know why I used such a conceit but I do know my thesaurus got a workout. Really? Paramour means mistress or a derogatory term for a lover? I never knew. I always thought it was some sweet french word for lover (non derogatory). Nope. Oh I love etymology which is why I love the word putanesca so much. Look it up. Again, me, digressing.

So here we are Christy and I, a year later, madly passionately deeply in love. Everyday I am amazed by her and in only 3 months we will be wed. Everything fell so perfectly in place, it's a surprise we aren't just staring at a wall in pure catatonic wonderment. It has taught me that life is still filled with hope and mystery. Just when you think you understand the rudimentary mechanics of living a life, something comes along to humble you. Nothing is ever so simple but sometimes the hardest things can oddly appear that way. To us, everything seems so easy but if we were to repeat to you all of things we have done this year it would labor your mind and ears.

We could rebuild the pyramids or climb Mt Everest and never give much thought to how much work it would be as long as we were doing it together. For years, I really thought I knew what true love was but I was a complete idiot. Now I know what it is and all I can do is hope you too will find it if you haven't already. It is an amazing thing.